Juicy Details

Here’s what happened in my first month or two after I quit my job as a teacher in London … (It was now almost two months ago!)

Regret, denial, crying, excitement, sadness, missed the kids, missed the colleagues, missed the routine, happy, overwhelmed , anger….So, I was on a roller coaster of emotions. 🎢

The day after my last day of teaching at this particular school (I say it like this, because I don’t know if I’ll teach agin yet)  I started seeing in colour again. It’s hard to believe that one day could make the difference , my sleep app showed me I achieved a score of 92% quality sleep😴 (http://www.sleepcycle.com/). It turns out, the actual process of making a decision to quit, was also weighing me down and keeping me stressed. 
It wasn’t easy! But it was needed! 
Shortly after quitting day; I went to Australia for a week. A week. Yes, all I took was carry on, I felt like a baller! It was a gift that I could go and attend my dear friend’s wedding. I got to spend some time in my home town too, it was so encouraging to catch up with pals, briefly , it wasn’t long enough , but refreshing never the less. It was good to remember where I had come from too. 
I learnt how to knit (thanks YouTube:http://youtu.be/ONVQCK_-rKc). I’m still knitting away at the scarf I started in the middle of Novermber …
I walked in to a souvenir / art shop and got a job. (http://www.webuilt-thiscity.com/)It was an amazing experience , I met these people who were all artists, designers , actors or musicians who worked there. It was a pop up shop and so no one knew how long it was going to stay open. It had cool music and it was on the busiest street in London (well, one of them) and the busiest time of the year. It was so fun and creative, it inspired me. We were screen printing jumpers, sipping coffees, dancing and pretending like we nones about art (well… I was).  It was comforting to know that there was other people chasing their dreams, working at several jobs to fund their dreams and all searching for their next big move. I am not alone. 

If you’re wondering why I didn’t teach straight away, and stay living in London…here’s why: I was on a temporary contract. I couldn’t get paid holidays or sick days.  Over summer , I didn’t get paid for 12 weeks. I was never financially stable, because just when you thought you would be, another holiday would come. It’s not as if I could work in the holidays because (usually about 1-2 weeks off) because I was so exhausted from school!i needs to catch up on marking and sleeping !  As well as this, around  the time I was quitting I was trying to improve my health, I had many food intolerances and outgoing a were rising! I had to get out of London! To save my health and wallet! 

 And now I’m sharing a bunk bed with my twelve year old sister. 

  

I haven’t lived with my mum properly since I was sixteen. So it was a big thing for me to decide to move in! I had always refused. I felt like I was Annie from the film Bridesmaids “I had hit rock bottom”.  Thank God “Castway” isn’t on UK Netflix 😉 … Don’t get me wrong, living with my family is not horrible, it’s just that I am used to being independent (or pretending to be an adult! So many people in my life have suported me financially and emotionally etc so I’m not even sure I have actually been independent properly).  

 I’m a child all over again, with no car, no job and no cares… Well, except that major thought hanging over me “what are you going to do next?”.

The advice I had received before moving to the countryside was:

• get bored so that you will be able to get creative again 

• do something that scares you 

• spend some time writing lists , or visiting old dreams / ideas 

• rest (and we all now know what I thought it meant and now what I know it means!)

So, I’m allowing myself to do all of these things. I don’t want to launch into something massive right now, which is unusual for me, and I’m wondering how long it will last… I’m being honest with you. I haven’t felt like this, or explored this side of life before. Doing nothing.  I don’t really want to do anything . I’m thinking art school, drama school, teaching, nutrition , cafe , book writing, working and travelling, pastoring, tutoring, the list goes on. 

There is too much choice. But, I’m loving cooking and helping the siblings at the moment. 

                             🍹🌻🌻🌻🍹

Last week I did a  juice fast (or a cleanse if you like to call it that). 

It was amazing. Three days and the only things I chewed were a few grapes and any food partical that I hadn’t juiced properly. It brought clarity and peace that I haven’t experienced for a while. 

Do I have a plan for my life?  Nope. Not yet. I am working on getting a car so I can move around this countryside city! Apart from that, I’ve sent some of my writing to magazines companies, researched degrees or jobs, and thought about life a lot. I’m currently going through a list of books, films and podcasts. I’ve got to regain strength mentally. And most importantly , I need to rest in God. Seriously, Christians and non Christians , I don’t mind your beliefs. Reminding yourself of what you are capable of, or the foundations on which you lay your life… Daily… Is important . You might say “meditate” or “think positively”, that’s fine. The reason why it’s so important to say to the mirror “you’re a bad ass mother who takes no crap from no body” (thank you Cool Runnings)  is because affirmations ARE IMPORTANT. You can live your life, fill it up with everything , post on social media that life is brilliant , but if you don’t know who you are, or what you are like , you do feel lost . I know it! My Bible tells me who I am! I’m realising more than ever , I believe it meow for your life than I do for mine! I don’t even know why! During  the juice cleanse I re-learnt the things that the Bible actually says about me. Man, a dude named Jesus died for me. (And a tonne of other stuff , just Check out the other things below). I have purpose , and beauty, and I am forgiven. Maybe these things don’t mean anything to you now. But they do for me. They are starting to set me free again. 
Did I get an answer for what to do next mid juice fast? No, but I started to feel better about even being on the earth. I think that’s a pretty good achievement.
I’m not saying , everyone do a juice cleanse / fast. I AM saying that being deliberate about spending time with God and meditating on “positive vibes maannnnn” or whatever (I use the Bible , because it’s Alive!) is a worthy cause. There’s even some science to prove it. (Google it). 
So there is some insight into where I am  at. I hope it makes sense, and brings some light to the situation. What’s your story!? Share with me! Or ask questions ! Please X 

Eden 
Ps. If you did want to do a juice cleanse here’s how I did it! 

PPS. I have also done a social media fast for a month. It was fantastic, it meant I had time for other hobbies and didn’t have the desire to spend my life scrolling down. I have more thoughts on this though, but I’ll save it for another post … 

Juice Fast motives: 

• to detoxify the polution from foods and other things hanging around inside 

• to refocus my heart and mind , through sacrificing my favourite thing: food, to reconnect with God and on a deeper level (my church in Australia does a fast called “Fresh Air” at the beginning of the year as well, it’s a time to set aside time to surrender last year and dedicate the new year to him too. 

• to remind myself of who I am and what I am. 

• to rediscover the energy you get from food ! 

• to heal from the inside out 

• to prepare my body for no refined sugar and get rid of cravings 

The process:

I followed the time guidelines as per the images below. During different juices in the day I would read scriptures and wrote down prayers or ideas that I had about them. If I wanted to fight them out I would. I let what ever needed to come out … To come out. (You can read that HOWEVER you wish. Ha ha). This also helped with cravings.

 I made sure I took it easy as well. The last time I did a cleanse , I worked full time! 

You will lack energy, but some how gain a dynamic energy! Your bowel movements will change ! You will glow and loose water retention from your body! You will get upset and want to quit! After the hell of the charcoal / salt drink you will probably feel nauseous … Push through 💩😸 it’s doing a great thing in you. 

You don’t have to follow what I did … But I know a few of you asked me how I did it! 

Recipes below are naturopath approved. However, the first cleanse I did , I based around @plenishcleanse (http://www.plenishcleanse.com/)

  
     
 
    
    

   
 🍭

To Do: Rest

What even is rest? It’s something I’m supposed to do , right?

Im a “go getter”. I’m a doer. I don’t know how to sit still. I struggle through silence. I can’t be in the house without music. Spending quality time with God is easily forgotten. I have multiple tabs open. When I’m cooking, I’m cleaning, eating and watching the latest episode of my favourite television show. Rest is a foreign concept , unless it’s on my to do list , like a chore. If you’re not like me, you definitely know someone like me, or at least you’ve heard of the ‘Energizer Bunny’? (If not, Google right now.)

About a year ago, I thought I should learn about rest. My body, mind and spirit were begging me to slow down, chill out and rest. Maybe you know the signs too. You feel exhausted. Even the things you love doing seem to be on the same difficulty and achievable level as climbing Mount Everest. You would rather stay in bed than see people, eat or even watch TV. Your face’s colour is fading to a light grey and the bags under your eyes are not designer. You can’t remember the last time you didn’t cry. You feel completely alone and lost. Shoulders, tense. Heart, aching. Mind, racing. This was how I felt two years ago. 

I want to share with you what not to do in this situation: Move across the world to a city of 12 million people. Leave peachy beaches for the hustle and bustle.
Later Australia, hello london. 
The next genius move I made, was to take on a job that required everything of me. By everything, I mean mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and everything-ally. I wasn’t prepared for the job, I wasn’t even “rested” up, as close friends and family suggested I should have been. I felt absolutely drained. I was empty! Now rest was not just a good idea, I NEEDED rest. I needed to look after myself holistically to make it through the next day, if I wanted to do it well, or even to survive.

That job was teaching. That’s when I also started blogging , so if you’ve looked back you will see there has been a massive break between posts. Teaching got me good. It was the hardest, most challenging, fun, rewarding and exhausting jobs/ year of my life. I was the richest and poorest (financially and emotionally) I have ever been. It was 12 hour (sometimes longer) days and weekends. It was sleepless nights, classroom fights , memorable discussions with children , sowing in to their futures; even when they didn’t believe they had one. It was being brave and bold, discovering more of who I am and what I enjoy doing , what pushes my buttons. My heart was full of love for the children. There was tears of anger, joy and frustration. There was an amazing amount of support from family, friends and colleagues. (Without them, who knows where I would be now). I was getting to the end of my straw. I was becoming something I wasn’t, or someone I didn’t even want to be around. I felt like I was watching my life happen and I was just a wisp of air floating by. It was horrible. Before it got as bad as it did, I did actually attempt to “rest”. I tried to look after ME as so many people tell us to do. I had to, if I wanted to be able to face the day, let alone teach. I had to rest.

I added rest to my “to do” lists. I tried all different forms. I made sure I got large dosages of trips to hairdressers, painting nails, reading books, stretching , exercise , smoothies, green teas, deep breathing, swimming, dog patting, adult colouring books, seeing a counsellor, coffee dates, worship sessions, fluffy dressing gowns and socks, watching your favourite TV shows (Friends, New Girl and Parks & Recreation obviously) and even having time away from screens. This is rest, right? I’m looking after me, I’m chilling out, doing the things I like. This is what I thought it was, until even these things weren’t enough. I became worse off than I was before I moved to the big city! I didn’t feel myself anymore. I felt the bubbly, funny, and creative girl had lost her sparkle. I hated it, I even started hating me! 

The Bible verses I had believed in, that were on my heart, became an argument with God rather than an agreement. “God! You said you would fill my vats to overflowing! Why do I feel so empty? You said if I draw near to you, you would draw near to me! Where are you? Why do I feel like this?” (See Proverbs 3:10 and James 4:8). The light at the end of the tunnel seemed to be diminishing. The fire was going out. My strength started fading even more, and I felt so weak. I thought I could learn what rest is. I thought God would teach me. 

Some how, I knew deep down that He was with me and he would help me. I just didn’t know how or when, and that frustrated me. I wanted a way out! I couldn’t stand the way I was thinking! I knew all the right things to pray, think and do. It was the same advice I had been following and giving out for years. But, I felt couldn’t do it. Some people suggested “just pray” or “rest” or even, “start thinking positive thoughts again”. This made me feel even more helpless, they meant well, but I felt so flat. I felt I could not even do those things.  
Finally, when I felt I was at my lowest, I mustered up the courage to pray. I whispered the only prayer I could, “help”.
Very slowly, in His timing and not mine, things in the world started to regain colour. I was lead to make some big changes in my life, like quitting the job I had. I spoke to Godly people whom I trusted, and spent time with God. I felt like God was showing me that my mindset needed to be altered.

I realised I had been doing “rest” wrong. (Yes… I think it’s possible) God knows what rest is. He knew we would need it, it says in Matthew, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”(11:28, NLT) and “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…”(40:30-31a NIV). I don’t think the rest I needed was in “doing” more things or even stopping other things. Sure, rest should be relaxing and doing those other tasks rejuvenate and help us to look after our bodies, but I think the rest God speaks of is something else.
It’s actually love. 
Crazy, I know. 

As I read Psalm 23 and Romans 8, I’m reminded of God’s love. Resting in the green pastures, walking by the quiet streams, is more about being in His love, in His presence or creation. Rest is knowing you could do absolutely nothing today and God will still love you. This scares me, overwhelms and comforts me. However, I think this is exactly what His love is meant to be like. It explains in Psalms 103, “As high as the sky is above the earth, so great is his love for those who honor him” (11, GNT). His love is massive and overwhelming and we little humans can sometimes, for a number of reasons find it difficult to fathom. I think, now, that this is what life is, to learn this very sentence; I am loved. 

You are loved. 

This is what God has showed me rest should be like. God teaching us , and showing us how vast his love is. It’s this knowledge that brings me rest, and I want to know it even more. I’m not going to lie, it is really hard to accept this perfect grace and love. We aren’t perfect, and “whilst we were still sinners, Jesus dies for us” (Romans 5:8). This shows me that he’s going to keep loving us too. I constantly battle with the idea that I’m not worthy. It blows my mind, but let it sink in for you too, and you might just start to be able to rest easier. It’s going to be a journey , but that is what life is.
Here is my new ‘to do’ list:
To Do:

#1 Dedicate my whole life to falling more in love with Him and allowing myself to rest in His love.
My prayer for me and for you has been laid out in Ephesians, (thanks Paul) 

“that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV).
Stay tuned to see what life looks like post teaching ☀️

Eden X  

    
    
 

Sweet enough

How do you have your tea? Black? White? Sugar? Maybe you’re saying ” TEA?! Cmon! Where’s my coffee! I bleed coffee.” (Ew.) 

I love it when people say, “I like my tea, like I like my man”… I mean, “I don’t need sugar darl, I’m sweet enough…” 

That’s so cute. And .. SO TRUE! 

I once heard that women are the colour and beauty of the world, they make life sweet. (Better shape up!?)

I also heard that kind words are like honey. Nice and sweet. (Better use more of them?)

There’s so many things that make life sweet… But for some reason I get caught up in the things I don’t have. Like a man. Cue violins. 

Happy 2016. Who was your New Years kiss? 

Nope. 

That’s not what we are talking about. Life is sweet enough!! 

I suppose I should start blogging again. 

You know, new year, new me blah blah. I was going to start again any ways, for you and for me. 

So many things have changed since I’ve written the last ones. Like …I’m blonde now (with a hint of pinks, purples and blues from the coloured chalks that my sisters added on NYE)

I’ll update you on that as we go, but for now, Here’s what I’m trying out in 2016: 
•366 days of intentional singleness. 

•366 days of no sugar. 

•365 days (let’s be realistic now..it’s 2.1.16) of small achievable goals, like book lists, documentaries, skills (finish that scarf I started knitting ) , finish watching friends, parks and recreation, travel to _____,______,&______! 

Ps. ITS A LEAP YEAR.

Here’s why, and you can judge, you can comment.

Or not. 
1. First the easy one : small achievable goals. I love fasting And cutting things out of my life. I’m doing a juice & social media cleanse soon (as a part of my Aussie church’s “fresh air fast”.

It makes you focus, and it makes you appreciate the things that you cut out. It gives you a new perspective too! Life can be mundane and boring so it’s good to have a challenge! I also like monthly goals , like “say no-vember ” and “one month of no tv or one month of baths or something . So fun! I could plan them.. But I’d rather go with the flow. 
2. Singleness. Oh but Eden, when did you last even have a boyfriend? 

Thanks for pointing that out. Again.

So, I haven’t had one in a while. Like 5 years. Being single , has had its ups and downs. But I’m never content with it, there’s been times where Ive been rocking it, “like look at me everyone! I’m single and loving it” but often I’ll meet someone , talk to them, fall for them, they don’t always fall for me, or for a number of reasons, I can’t be with them and then there’s the questions , and mind games “does he like me?” “do I like him?” “why didn’t he message back instantly?” “Our wedding will be…” 

I have a big heart, Love attention and love boys (well actually men! But I seem to always fall for boys who don’t know how to be a gentleman). I’m always chasing. It’s just exhausting! 

So what does a year of intentionally being single look like? 

I’m not 100% sure yet, but I think it’s more about thoughts. 

When I meet someone, I’m going to work on not thinking “I could marry him”, im avoiding mind games, dates, dreaming of PrincE charming. 

2015 was a big year, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. (Stay tuned for that post) , I’m really good at making my life about others. So I’m going to be a great girlfriend/wife . (I’m just so humble. )

I’m not that good at looking after me. I’m selfish, and I’m good at talking about me, and making fun of me. However, when it comes to resting, caring, dreaming, goal setting etc. I’m usually horrid. So I want to intentionally spend a couple of hundred days putting things in place to get better at doing those things. This blog is step one, and where I’ll document my new strategies etc. 

Some good ideas I have recently read: 

– Being single for a year is a gift, not a curse.

– You have the rest of forever to be with the one you choose to spend forever with.

– Be committed to you. & God 

– DATE YOU. Do you actually want to? You’re going to be with you for ever … If you can’t stand that , how can you expect anyone else to? 

Instead of searching for “da one” I’m focussing on: 

-Prayer. I wanna see miracles. Life in conversation with God is actually better, now I have had season without that I can confirm! 

-Finding out what I’m truly passionate about. Get dreaming, drawing and researching. I haven’t had a gap year, or saved for anything. Ever. 

-Building on existing relationships (I haven’t been that good at those, I like jumping around the world ) 

-feeling good in my own skin. 

– resting and being refreshed . Relationships (and teaching) and moving house and countries and cities can be exhausting …… 

– “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

– “Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.” Ephesians‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

– “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” Psalms‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

3. No sugar. 
Drum roll please … Get ready! This will blow your mind: sugar is killing us. It’s probably causing cancer , and slowing us down. It’s natural! But too much of anything is bad…right? Well.. I’m not going to give you any science right now, you can google that for yourself, but I’ve had seasons in 2015 without processed sugar , and they were awesome! Chocolate (for more reason that one) is my biggest weakness, and you’re probably thinking, “so what? Just eat it”. 

Since December 2014 , I have fallen asleep in multiple public places (basketball games, theatres, busses , trains, and the sofa when friends are over) , often alone and covered in…. 

Not poo. But chocolate. 

(If you go far enough back on my Instagram there is photo evidence of this.) I would eat chocolate and need a nap. Not a light – easily -disturbed nap. But a heavy – coma – like nap, that I couldn’t stop or break out of . 

My blood sugar levels are crazy!! Long story short, my body doesn’t break things down very well, and sugar impacts me a lot more than I thought! (If you really want to know more about the workings of my body, let me know and I’ll try to articulate them) 

I’m already dairy, gluten, yeast and wheat free. So I might as well solidify it and do them all with no sugar for a full year! I did a few months here and there in 2015 and compared to the months with those things , I slept better, my mood, energy skin, hair, teeth, and other bodily functions were so much better!! 

So what do I eat? 

Fresh , un packaged stuff and home made. Veggies and fruit. And pseudo grains (Quinoa , chia, flax, etc. )

I follow @deliciouslyElla, @KBSUGARFREE, @ameliafreer for tips. 

It’s about replacement, for example :

Honey for refined sugar

Date syrup and other fruits are actually so sweet! 

I’ll make my own raw chocolate (& nutella) with cacao ! (If you want recipes, stay tuned! ) I love it! I get to be creative and invent stuff in the kitchen! 

I’ve also introduced certain teas, sulpha and comfrey lead into my diet to suppress cravings. (All natural remedies).

So it seems possible … But I know it will be hard! Sugar is every where and in everything! It has its positives , but I’ve made my mind up! It’s only 364 more days. Besides, when I give it up… I might not ever want it again! 

The thing I hate the most is the social aspect, when I was teaching kids would buy my chocolate , or when you go out for a meal… “hi I’m Eden and yeah, I can’t eat that, that , that or that” but there are ways around it. I’m not the first to do this. So feel free to give me tips! 
So 2016 shall be an adventure, I’ll be searching for things other than a man or the chase of a boyfriend or eating ice cream and chocolates to make life sweeter. 

What are your plans? 

What are you going to do this year? This week or this month? 

What will you go without? Why or why not? 

How do you like your tea? 

Welcome to 2016. There’s no going back now. 

“But God is my helper. The Lord keeps me alive!” Psalms‬ ‭54:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

   

 

Stepping Across the Water

When you travel over seas, you have to fill out a card that states your occupation. I would always quickly write ‘student’. In the last couple of months filling out my occupation has brought me great stress!

WHO AM I ? I have always been a student!

So, the typically human question had come to finally haunt me. I thought i knew who i was, God was continuously showing me. All of a sudden, what i DID changed and this played on who i was….It’s like he wants to show me a little bit more.

University was an amazing four years, four houses, heaps of essays, stress, hair and weight loss, millions of readings, referencing, red frog events (google it & make sure it’s the Aussie version), music festivals, youth group events, late nights, coffee dates, messy rooms, strange meals, heaps of photos (just see my Instagram) , loads of time spent on social media, an amazing amount of downloads on music (stalk me on spotify or soundcloud if you dare) and tv series (How I met your mother, The Office (USA), New Girl, Mindy Project, Modern Family, 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and now: Miranda ). I wouldn’t have made it without the incredible support from friends and family, and let me tell you, some times I wasn’t the best of company or a good friend during this time! (I know – hard to believe :P). So thank you all for the kind words, hugs, the car, the house, the meals, shopping trips, road and plane trips, beach bonfires and campouts, finance, prayers and so, so much more.

This year when I finished Uni I felt like something was taken from me.

My identity.

The thing that had been filling my time, giving me purpose was gone.

I felt excited and free, and yet burdened. What was next? What would my life look now?
Aside from university I also worked at my church , youth lead and co-ordinated a chaplaincy support network called Red Frogs. Something I have been passionate alongside my career as a university student.I was always busy, with people, doing things, being places and having a blast!
However, I found my self towards the end of my degree being filled with anxiety, stress, fear, confusion and apathy. I have been through some challenges in my life, but this was weird. There was a few other things definitely impacting my life as well, but when I tested my emotions by imagining each of the situations, the whole idea of my new identity as a finished Uni student made me cry. (And for those who know me well, I can picture you rolling your eyes because I cry a lot, but I’m talking crying to the point where I couldn’t be bothered to cry anymore).

So what did I do? Firstly, I downloaded the sims and started playing that on my iPad. I had free time, and I’m an adult. Obviously this was the wisest choice. Duh.

One day an amazing person sponsored me some accommodation and entry to a conference. I took music, The Sims, Bible and spent some quality time jumping on the bed and making YouTubes.

and then my version:

and yep, that’s me normally.

After this I joined some of my friends on a camping trip right by the beach. Because of this, I am now a camping person.

Then, the next day I worked for a week at a dancing and drama work shop. It was themed “cats” and it was awesome! Hung out with kids every day!

The day immediately after that I casually drove across Australia from the East Coast to Perth, on the West Coast.

4150 km. 45 hours. 5 days.

Best and longest solo road trip I have ever done. I would do it again.

And so the hashtag #edeniseverywhere began.

People started following my journey, I had many likes on posts, phone calls, messages from people I hadn’t seen in years wanting to know about the trip! It was encouraging. For those of you who are now reading my blog, thank you.

In the middle of nowhere, I had plenty of thinking, praying, singing and dancing time in the car. But still not 100% peaceful. One friend I met up with In Perth challenged me “Who are you trying to please. God or people?”. Boom. This definitely has shaped the last couple of months.

After seeing a few of my friends, Justin Timberlake concert, a cafe crawl and a sun set over the ocean in Perth, I flew back home.

48 hours later with a final Red Frog event in there too, I boarded a plane to Fiji to meet up with my Dad and Step Mum. A challenging and surprising fortnight of snorkelling, sleeping in huts, foreign languages, village life, randomly being asked to teach in a school, a few nights in a resort, new friends and a whole lot more. It brought me new experiences, adventures, friends, stories, a slight tan and a passion for the outdoors. It didn’t bring me the peace and confirmation of what was next like I wanted it to.

Through this time, I kept holding on to the eternal joy I had and the promise that God is always with me. Even though He felt far away. Maybe I had pushed him away. Maybe what I was expecting wasn’t how God wanted to show me. Maybe, just maybe I hadn’t been finding my WHOLE identity in Him, but in what I do. Do. Doing. Did.

But wait, there’s more.
After this, I spent a few days back home and then went on to house sit for some friends with a girlfriend. I also had some English friends, who I met in Fiji, come and stay with us. We got to show them around and be tourists in our own town. It kept me busy. I got to ask the English friends heaps of questions about life in England. I even began entertaining the idea of moving there. During this time I also had conversations with friends and mentors. A few significant one liners are as followed;
“Eden, everytime I spoke to you during your placement you would speak of your classes, your lesson plan ideas and the school. You’re passionate about teaching! And people! ”
“Go!”
“You could work casual teaching, continue with red frogs, or even just change it up”
“You haven’t really lived a normal life yet. Like out there in the world, as a proper adult”
“Go, get some routine, responsibility and then return.”
“You could, you know, actually do something with the degree you did. Like teach or something…”
“You could go to Newcastle, Gold Coast, Sydney , or even the uk!”
Just to list a few.

My choices seemed to be endless. I studied English and History. My history experience  meant that i know that women in the past fought for the very freedom I was overwhelmed by. I just wanted it to be one way or another. (And now you can sing the song, the original or 1D remix I don’t mind). There was just too much freedom! I could stay in my town, move town, teach, study, get a new job, keep doing Red Frogs, get my own place, or anything. But they all seemed boring, nothing excited me. This scared me.

side note: if something bores you it DOES NOT mean quit. We all have our bad, sad, lame, hard days. Sometimes the best rewards are recieved from pushing on from the boring days. I am talking about a different kind of boredom. Almost like a burn out type of feeling. I also don’t suggest that one simply acts out on every emotion that one feels. in fact this is why i spoke to people who had been through similar things before, read articles, sought prayer – even when it took me ages to actually get out of the bed to do these things. Each of the people would tell me the same thing, i finally listened after months. I am sorry about that. Some times the overwhelming cloud was just bigger than your words.

I am passionate about people, loving, pastoring, encouraging and Red Frogs and Youth Ministry. I knew from the beginning of 2014 that it was my last year of Youth. But I didn’t know about Red Frogs. It was my little baby. My ministry. My identity… Maybe that was the problem.

All the adventures meant my resume, and many other forms weren’t really getting filled out.
Decisions weren’t being made.
Me time, thinking time , even though it felt like there was so much of it, was not productive. This made it worse.
They say the best cure for feeling overwhelmed and procrastinating is just to start small. I couldn’t even do that. I was starting to frustrate my close friends. But I couldn’t get past the cloud and murkiness. I didn’t even want to do the things i loved like go on little coffee dates on some days or photo taking dates. I couldn’t choose songs. Everything was boring. So, I just stayed in bed, or distracted my self even more. People said they noticed a spark had gone from my eye. But, for others, they might read this and be surprised. I didn’t mask it if you asked, and these feelings weren’t always there, like I mentioned, I still had faith and joy. I knew God was going to show up and I know He never left me.

Finally one day whilst i was house sitting, I remembered being on my final teaching placement and another teacher in the staff room said something about England needing teachers. England. I like that place. Usually for Christmas I go to England to stay with my Mum, her Partner and four of my 6 siblings. I hadn’t even booked it at this stage (mid November). i just couldn’t be bothered. That also worried me. So i did what every proactive human does and checked Facebook. My teaching friend had actually invited me to like “Impact Teaching. I checked it out as a possibility, because who knows! This is how i love living. It’s risky, and its fun, but sometimes you just have to apply for that job, ask those questions, email that person for advice, text that boy first, because WHO KNOWS. (I mean sure, weigh up consequences and stuff too…)

My original thought was that i could possibly I could get some temp work whilst i visited my family over their winter.
I signed up.
They called me the next day. It just took off from there! I felt a bit more excited! I even had to complete my resume. FINALLY, it took me ages to do this, but I did it. I submitted it. I looked into flights. Prices were pricey. Even worse than 2013!

In conversations with my Pastors about how I was feeling they showed me nothing but love and support. I love them. (if you don’t have some good ones, or a connect leader, or mentor type thing, get one). They wanted to support me in whatever I chose, but advised that i was to keep honoring God and do something I would love. Still not even sure about what was around the corner, I resigned from Red Frogs and my position at church. I was scared to do , not because I thought I was bound for 100 years to it, or it made me a better Christian or that God would judge me, or something like that. But because I feared that I was letting go of something that had also been a large part of MY identity. It consumed my thoughts, my time , finances and life. I loved it! But why didn’t I love it anymore? Why didn’t I want to get out of bed? Where was my spark?

But wait, there’s more Because: #edenISeverywhere haha.
When I drove from the church after resigning I felt surprisingly free and peaceful. But, why? I just quit something?! Maybe it was just meant to be. Life’s way of pushing me in the right direction.

I went straight back to the house that I was looking after and decided I should book my ticket over to England. Guess what! It was only a few more hundred to go via New York for a week. I booked a return ticket back to Australia too.

Before i left, I read some of my old diaries. Places to visit included New York. I have always wanted to see Time Square and take photos there! In my 5-10 year plan it was to live and work in London. I wrote these diary entries in 2009. Ah, and I had stepped out of the boat back in 2011 to help sow seeds for these dreams. I didn’t know back then that this would be how it would happen!

Slowly, I started to share with a few people some possible ideas I had about my future. (I’ll save this process and goodbyes for another blog. ) I had a “Tea You Later” farewell tea party, because even though I had a return ticket, something told me, I could be leaving for a long time. Five of my friends began packing my bags and cleaning up my room. It was so hard to pack because i didn’t know how long i was going for!

A few days later i was back home in my own bed for a short time. A Tuesday soon after this (third week of November) I had a Skype interview for a full time position in England. I did it after a dinner date with some of my best friends. Used one friend’s internet and another’s lounge room. It was beautiful. I was a little nervous, but more excited. I felt unqualified , but strangely prepared and confident.
The next evening whilst I was at karaoke with some of my other great friends, I got the job. My start date was on the 6th of January 2015. What the. Who. How. Why. Where. Cool.

We all sang “ain’t no mountain high enough”. It was surreal. An unforgettable moment.

The next day I was on my way to Brisbane to share the news to some of my close school friends and bid them farewell on their own journeys, and see a Katy Perry concert, go to dreamworld (a theme park) before volunteering for a week at the Gold Coast doing Red Frogs. My full final week in the country, doing the very thing I loved. It was beautifully poetic. It was challenging. It always is, but this time, in different ways. (I’ll save that story for later).
I got home Saturday, 8pm, my best friend helped me repack until 1am. Do you know how hard it is to pack under pressure, and say goodbye to your loved clothing?! (Blog post to come…). I had a temperature and a bad mood. But under my stress I was still excited! She picked me up at 5:30 (she had to tap on my window to wake me up!!) and some how I made it to the airport where I was waved and hugged quickly good bye.
It was a fast process. Tears, hugs, confusions and peace.
24 hours later I was in New York’s freezing evening air ready for another solo back packing adventure. So many stories, photos, new friends and photos! I will have to share soon! but for now instagram search the hashtag edeniseverwhere!

Any one else feeling dizzy or a bit all over the place? Welcome to my life. I am my own worst enemy and best friend at times.

The day I started uni and my internship I stepped out of the boat and into more grace, faith and trust.  That choice sowed seeds and made way for possibilities for the next step across the water. I mean, technically every time we get out of bed it’s like stepping out of a boat of comfort, warmth, and into the promises and yet uncertainty of the day.

And so i will just keep stepping out across the water.
So now I have told you the back story the next few blogs will tell  more of the processes, lessons learnt, thoughts, expectations and what’s been happening in England leading up to this new year and my job that starts next week! Ahhh!