To Do: Rest

What even is rest? It’s something I’m supposed to do , right?

Im a “go getter”. I’m a doer. I don’t know how to sit still. I struggle through silence. I can’t be in the house without music. Spending quality time with God is easily forgotten. I have multiple tabs open. When I’m cooking, I’m cleaning, eating and watching the latest episode of my favourite television show. Rest is a foreign concept , unless it’s on my to do list , like a chore. If you’re not like me, you definitely know someone like me, or at least you’ve heard of the ‘Energizer Bunny’? (If not, Google right now.)

About a year ago, I thought I should learn about rest. My body, mind and spirit were begging me to slow down, chill out and rest. Maybe you know the signs too. You feel exhausted. Even the things you love doing seem to be on the same difficulty and achievable level as climbing Mount Everest. You would rather stay in bed than see people, eat or even watch TV. Your face’s colour is fading to a light grey and the bags under your eyes are not designer. You can’t remember the last time you didn’t cry. You feel completely alone and lost. Shoulders, tense. Heart, aching. Mind, racing. This was how I felt two years ago. 

I want to share with you what not to do in this situation: Move across the world to a city of 12 million people. Leave peachy beaches for the hustle and bustle.
Later Australia, hello london. 
The next genius move I made, was to take on a job that required everything of me. By everything, I mean mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and everything-ally. I wasn’t prepared for the job, I wasn’t even “rested” up, as close friends and family suggested I should have been. I felt absolutely drained. I was empty! Now rest was not just a good idea, I NEEDED rest. I needed to look after myself holistically to make it through the next day, if I wanted to do it well, or even to survive.

That job was teaching. That’s when I also started blogging , so if you’ve looked back you will see there has been a massive break between posts. Teaching got me good. It was the hardest, most challenging, fun, rewarding and exhausting jobs/ year of my life. I was the richest and poorest (financially and emotionally) I have ever been. It was 12 hour (sometimes longer) days and weekends. It was sleepless nights, classroom fights , memorable discussions with children , sowing in to their futures; even when they didn’t believe they had one. It was being brave and bold, discovering more of who I am and what I enjoy doing , what pushes my buttons. My heart was full of love for the children. There was tears of anger, joy and frustration. There was an amazing amount of support from family, friends and colleagues. (Without them, who knows where I would be now). I was getting to the end of my straw. I was becoming something I wasn’t, or someone I didn’t even want to be around. I felt like I was watching my life happen and I was just a wisp of air floating by. It was horrible. Before it got as bad as it did, I did actually attempt to “rest”. I tried to look after ME as so many people tell us to do. I had to, if I wanted to be able to face the day, let alone teach. I had to rest.

I added rest to my “to do” lists. I tried all different forms. I made sure I got large dosages of trips to hairdressers, painting nails, reading books, stretching , exercise , smoothies, green teas, deep breathing, swimming, dog patting, adult colouring books, seeing a counsellor, coffee dates, worship sessions, fluffy dressing gowns and socks, watching your favourite TV shows (Friends, New Girl and Parks & Recreation obviously) and even having time away from screens. This is rest, right? I’m looking after me, I’m chilling out, doing the things I like. This is what I thought it was, until even these things weren’t enough. I became worse off than I was before I moved to the big city! I didn’t feel myself anymore. I felt the bubbly, funny, and creative girl had lost her sparkle. I hated it, I even started hating me! 

The Bible verses I had believed in, that were on my heart, became an argument with God rather than an agreement. “God! You said you would fill my vats to overflowing! Why do I feel so empty? You said if I draw near to you, you would draw near to me! Where are you? Why do I feel like this?” (See Proverbs 3:10 and James 4:8). The light at the end of the tunnel seemed to be diminishing. The fire was going out. My strength started fading even more, and I felt so weak. I thought I could learn what rest is. I thought God would teach me. 

Some how, I knew deep down that He was with me and he would help me. I just didn’t know how or when, and that frustrated me. I wanted a way out! I couldn’t stand the way I was thinking! I knew all the right things to pray, think and do. It was the same advice I had been following and giving out for years. But, I felt couldn’t do it. Some people suggested “just pray” or “rest” or even, “start thinking positive thoughts again”. This made me feel even more helpless, they meant well, but I felt so flat. I felt I could not even do those things.  
Finally, when I felt I was at my lowest, I mustered up the courage to pray. I whispered the only prayer I could, “help”.
Very slowly, in His timing and not mine, things in the world started to regain colour. I was lead to make some big changes in my life, like quitting the job I had. I spoke to Godly people whom I trusted, and spent time with God. I felt like God was showing me that my mindset needed to be altered.

I realised I had been doing “rest” wrong. (Yes… I think it’s possible) God knows what rest is. He knew we would need it, it says in Matthew, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”(11:28, NLT) and “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…”(40:30-31a NIV). I don’t think the rest I needed was in “doing” more things or even stopping other things. Sure, rest should be relaxing and doing those other tasks rejuvenate and help us to look after our bodies, but I think the rest God speaks of is something else.
It’s actually love. 
Crazy, I know. 

As I read Psalm 23 and Romans 8, I’m reminded of God’s love. Resting in the green pastures, walking by the quiet streams, is more about being in His love, in His presence or creation. Rest is knowing you could do absolutely nothing today and God will still love you. This scares me, overwhelms and comforts me. However, I think this is exactly what His love is meant to be like. It explains in Psalms 103, “As high as the sky is above the earth, so great is his love for those who honor him” (11, GNT). His love is massive and overwhelming and we little humans can sometimes, for a number of reasons find it difficult to fathom. I think, now, that this is what life is, to learn this very sentence; I am loved. 

You are loved. 

This is what God has showed me rest should be like. God teaching us , and showing us how vast his love is. It’s this knowledge that brings me rest, and I want to know it even more. I’m not going to lie, it is really hard to accept this perfect grace and love. We aren’t perfect, and “whilst we were still sinners, Jesus dies for us” (Romans 5:8). This shows me that he’s going to keep loving us too. I constantly battle with the idea that I’m not worthy. It blows my mind, but let it sink in for you too, and you might just start to be able to rest easier. It’s going to be a journey , but that is what life is.
Here is my new ‘to do’ list:
To Do:

#1 Dedicate my whole life to falling more in love with Him and allowing myself to rest in His love.
My prayer for me and for you has been laid out in Ephesians, (thanks Paul) 

“that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV).
Stay tuned to see what life looks like post teaching ☀️

Eden X  

    
    
 

Sweet enough

How do you have your tea? Black? White? Sugar? Maybe you’re saying ” TEA?! Cmon! Where’s my coffee! I bleed coffee.” (Ew.) 

I love it when people say, “I like my tea, like I like my man”… I mean, “I don’t need sugar darl, I’m sweet enough…” 

That’s so cute. And .. SO TRUE! 

I once heard that women are the colour and beauty of the world, they make life sweet. (Better shape up!?)

I also heard that kind words are like honey. Nice and sweet. (Better use more of them?)

There’s so many things that make life sweet… But for some reason I get caught up in the things I don’t have. Like a man. Cue violins. 

Happy 2016. Who was your New Years kiss? 

Nope. 

That’s not what we are talking about. Life is sweet enough!! 

I suppose I should start blogging again. 

You know, new year, new me blah blah. I was going to start again any ways, for you and for me. 

So many things have changed since I’ve written the last ones. Like …I’m blonde now (with a hint of pinks, purples and blues from the coloured chalks that my sisters added on NYE)

I’ll update you on that as we go, but for now, Here’s what I’m trying out in 2016: 
•366 days of intentional singleness. 

•366 days of no sugar. 

•365 days (let’s be realistic now..it’s 2.1.16) of small achievable goals, like book lists, documentaries, skills (finish that scarf I started knitting ) , finish watching friends, parks and recreation, travel to _____,______,&______! 

Ps. ITS A LEAP YEAR.

Here’s why, and you can judge, you can comment.

Or not. 
1. First the easy one : small achievable goals. I love fasting And cutting things out of my life. I’m doing a juice & social media cleanse soon (as a part of my Aussie church’s “fresh air fast”.

It makes you focus, and it makes you appreciate the things that you cut out. It gives you a new perspective too! Life can be mundane and boring so it’s good to have a challenge! I also like monthly goals , like “say no-vember ” and “one month of no tv or one month of baths or something . So fun! I could plan them.. But I’d rather go with the flow. 
2. Singleness. Oh but Eden, when did you last even have a boyfriend? 

Thanks for pointing that out. Again.

So, I haven’t had one in a while. Like 5 years. Being single , has had its ups and downs. But I’m never content with it, there’s been times where Ive been rocking it, “like look at me everyone! I’m single and loving it” but often I’ll meet someone , talk to them, fall for them, they don’t always fall for me, or for a number of reasons, I can’t be with them and then there’s the questions , and mind games “does he like me?” “do I like him?” “why didn’t he message back instantly?” “Our wedding will be…” 

I have a big heart, Love attention and love boys (well actually men! But I seem to always fall for boys who don’t know how to be a gentleman). I’m always chasing. It’s just exhausting! 

So what does a year of intentionally being single look like? 

I’m not 100% sure yet, but I think it’s more about thoughts. 

When I meet someone, I’m going to work on not thinking “I could marry him”, im avoiding mind games, dates, dreaming of PrincE charming. 

2015 was a big year, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. (Stay tuned for that post) , I’m really good at making my life about others. So I’m going to be a great girlfriend/wife . (I’m just so humble. )

I’m not that good at looking after me. I’m selfish, and I’m good at talking about me, and making fun of me. However, when it comes to resting, caring, dreaming, goal setting etc. I’m usually horrid. So I want to intentionally spend a couple of hundred days putting things in place to get better at doing those things. This blog is step one, and where I’ll document my new strategies etc. 

Some good ideas I have recently read: 

– Being single for a year is a gift, not a curse.

– You have the rest of forever to be with the one you choose to spend forever with.

– Be committed to you. & God 

– DATE YOU. Do you actually want to? You’re going to be with you for ever … If you can’t stand that , how can you expect anyone else to? 

Instead of searching for “da one” I’m focussing on: 

-Prayer. I wanna see miracles. Life in conversation with God is actually better, now I have had season without that I can confirm! 

-Finding out what I’m truly passionate about. Get dreaming, drawing and researching. I haven’t had a gap year, or saved for anything. Ever. 

-Building on existing relationships (I haven’t been that good at those, I like jumping around the world ) 

-feeling good in my own skin. 

– resting and being refreshed . Relationships (and teaching) and moving house and countries and cities can be exhausting …… 

– “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

– “Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.” Ephesians‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

– “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” Psalms‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

3. No sugar. 
Drum roll please … Get ready! This will blow your mind: sugar is killing us. It’s probably causing cancer , and slowing us down. It’s natural! But too much of anything is bad…right? Well.. I’m not going to give you any science right now, you can google that for yourself, but I’ve had seasons in 2015 without processed sugar , and they were awesome! Chocolate (for more reason that one) is my biggest weakness, and you’re probably thinking, “so what? Just eat it”. 

Since December 2014 , I have fallen asleep in multiple public places (basketball games, theatres, busses , trains, and the sofa when friends are over) , often alone and covered in…. 

Not poo. But chocolate. 

(If you go far enough back on my Instagram there is photo evidence of this.) I would eat chocolate and need a nap. Not a light – easily -disturbed nap. But a heavy – coma – like nap, that I couldn’t stop or break out of . 

My blood sugar levels are crazy!! Long story short, my body doesn’t break things down very well, and sugar impacts me a lot more than I thought! (If you really want to know more about the workings of my body, let me know and I’ll try to articulate them) 

I’m already dairy, gluten, yeast and wheat free. So I might as well solidify it and do them all with no sugar for a full year! I did a few months here and there in 2015 and compared to the months with those things , I slept better, my mood, energy skin, hair, teeth, and other bodily functions were so much better!! 

So what do I eat? 

Fresh , un packaged stuff and home made. Veggies and fruit. And pseudo grains (Quinoa , chia, flax, etc. )

I follow @deliciouslyElla, @KBSUGARFREE, @ameliafreer for tips. 

It’s about replacement, for example :

Honey for refined sugar

Date syrup and other fruits are actually so sweet! 

I’ll make my own raw chocolate (& nutella) with cacao ! (If you want recipes, stay tuned! ) I love it! I get to be creative and invent stuff in the kitchen! 

I’ve also introduced certain teas, sulpha and comfrey lead into my diet to suppress cravings. (All natural remedies).

So it seems possible … But I know it will be hard! Sugar is every where and in everything! It has its positives , but I’ve made my mind up! It’s only 364 more days. Besides, when I give it up… I might not ever want it again! 

The thing I hate the most is the social aspect, when I was teaching kids would buy my chocolate , or when you go out for a meal… “hi I’m Eden and yeah, I can’t eat that, that , that or that” but there are ways around it. I’m not the first to do this. So feel free to give me tips! 
So 2016 shall be an adventure, I’ll be searching for things other than a man or the chase of a boyfriend or eating ice cream and chocolates to make life sweeter. 

What are your plans? 

What are you going to do this year? This week or this month? 

What will you go without? Why or why not? 

How do you like your tea? 

Welcome to 2016. There’s no going back now. 

“But God is my helper. The Lord keeps me alive!” Psalms‬ ‭54:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

   

 

Half term 1 Highlights

They have this little holiday half way through a school term here in the UK called “half term”. Genius name. I’m still not sure if it’s a good idea or not… Monday still only a few days away and we enter straight back into the long days and hard work all over again! What will happen to the momentum we had? Will it be tainted with this little break or will it be stronger than before? Perhaps, because my students have been used to having many of their English teachers leave, seeing me will comfort them and encourage them. I am not leaving, nor am I giving up on them.

Only time will tell.

The crazy thing about half term is you have the freedom to do what ever you want or can fit into a week.

Challenge accepted.

My week is not over and yet, I must blog a little (actually a novel) about the whirlwind and relaxing time it has been.

I have just arrived back home to London. Writing that in itself is ever so strange. London is home now. Well, for now. My fellow Aussie friend and I went to Germany to stay with.. You guessed it.. Another Aussie. Tim lives in a little town near Ulm in southern Germany. He’s there to play and train in handball. Handball is the big sport in Laupheim. European handball- the one we sometimes played for sport in school or at uni games). It’s a big deal over in Europe (explains the Australian version of the name). Getting to Laupheim was an adventure in itself. Let me take you there:

Saturday night.

Caitie and her other gap student friend and I met for sushi in Borough Markets. Amazing. Caitie and I went back to my house so I could pack. We stayed awake until midnight. Missed the bus. Got a cab. Caught a train to Victoria Station where we thought we were supposed to catch a train. Trains had stopped (of course they had). Caught the bus to Standstead Airport (where is that place any ways?). Ate gourmet hot dogs at 3:30am. We had to go to Marks and Spencer’s to get cheese though, because unenthusiastic Hot Dog man had run out… We made him smile later though when we offered hm the cheese we had bought (500g). He politely declined.

After recording some entertaining 1D covers throughout the airport and duty free shopping we were almost ready to board. Almost. Then i decided to read the ticket information. We hadn’t gotten our passports checked. We had checked in online.
We panicked and went back through security. The security man said we may not be able to get out of the country. Good.
We rushed through the airport backwards and forwards and round and round to find the truth. We ended up in the plane. I love the mad rush to a peaceful plane. You expect a round of applause or a stand in ovation “You did It guys!”… But nope. Never happens. (Unless I am the one on the plane. I’ll clap for you. Which we did on the train when an elderly lady ran to the leaving train and it stopped. She responded in a happy, but flustered voice something in German. Yay! ).
After a quick nap on the plane we landed in Frankfurt. Now it was going to be easy, just a bus and a train and we will be on our way to Ulm. Or was it a train and then a bus? How many trains ? Tim had booked us a ticket. It seemed so simple. Most of the ticket was in German, the important parts seemed to be in English. Or maybe I was just so good at German! How much German could I remember from my last expedition around Europe or year 7…. A little bit.
We had actually landed in Frankfurt Hahn. That’s like the local country stop that only locals go to. To the bus driver outside we said train station. He said 11.
11 euros?
11 minutes?
11 pounds ?
11 o’clock. Obviously.
The next part was a blur… Literally I cried with laughter most of the time. I could not keep it together.

We were the only ones in the bus. The whole place has deserted, post apocalyptic, call of duty vibes. It got worse. The bus stopped in the middle of nowhere and bus driver said “Train,” and pointed towards a building.
“Danke!” We called out through giggles as we feared we may have trusted him a little too much.

Training Centre

that was it. I was out. Hysterical laughter is my forte. I was one the ice! There was no other noises except our giggles, who am I kidding. I was past that. I was cackling! Caitie was more composed and saw human life! She ventured out and discovered that we were at a Ryan air flight attendant camp. They could thankfully speak English and were two hours away from finding out if they were going to qualify! They explained to us that we were in the middle of no where … Yes.
And they helped us back to the airport and onto a bus to Frankfurt Main. We snuck onto a train. Our tickets has expired. I’m pretty sure we weren’t even at the right station. This reminded me of my Europe trip in 2010, I was 17 and this little half term holiday confirmed we were insane teenagers. Now I am just a crazy adult. This train said it was going to Ulm! We were on track again! Such a fancy train too. We got comfy. We were 5 hours away.
Until the ticket conductor checked our tickets…
The next train wasn’t as pretty. The conductor was nice enough to write up a new plan for us to save euros. It involved many trains, with a small amount of time for changeovers. This meant vending machines, cafes, laughing, pretending to be a sleep, playing the “tourist” “silly girls” card as much as possible for us for the next couple of hours. We missed connections, saw things twice and finally made it to Ulm!!!

Let’s just say we paid extra to change our return journey.

We slept well that night.
This was just the start of the week! Thankfully Tim and his German saved us most of the week.

By the end of the week (minus being fluent in German) we felt like locals. We got to stay in a little studio, that seemed like something out of an IKEA catalogue. Actually most of Laupheim did. We ate everything we could that was German. We used windowsills as fridges, ate Nutella from jars, tried beers, gluvine, hot chocolates, pastries, Schnitzels, sausage salad (imagine strips of sausage in sauce & want some veggies with your sausage ? No. Good), Liebercase (can’t even remember how to spell it, but big sausage meat on bread with mustard), pretzels, curry wurst, cakes, pancakes for pancake day, big ravioli type thing, it’s safe to say we are eating our way through Europe. This was confirmed on our trek back to London. Breakfast in Laupheim, Lunch in Munich, dinner in Copenhagen and desert in London.

We saw some great things too! Watched a Handball training session, got to have a go at it too! We watched live games on television, saw old pubs, modern castles, climbed the highest church steeple in the world (not to the top because it was closed due to icy weather). I Played football in the airport with some kids. We saw some fantastic German architecture, some buildings falling into canals – buildings legitimately have a lean. We joined in with a Fasching (witch and carnival festival thing, of which I’m still trying to understand the reasons behind) street parade. It was amazing to see all the costumes and hear the songs! The atmosphere was so great , and the free sweets! Winning!

In between all of these meals, sights, conversations and sleeping we got to have some very good relaxing time too! What a week! Here’s some snaps
X

Main Lessons learnt:
To appreciate the cold in England, go somewhere colder. 7 degrees is a warm winters day now compared to the -5 in Germany.

Little parts of my London Life

Look for beauty and you will find.
Explore the world with fun people and fun shall be had.

Here’s the Victorian Albert Museum, Modern Tate, Croydon Street Markets, Commute to work, the view from my house and more London xo

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New year. New you. Jokes.

I have been a full time teacher for almost a month. I can’t believe how quick the days go by! It snowed today!!

The weeks have been full of ups and downs. In the lows you miss home and comforts. In the highs you feel like a champion. It has been confirmed that posotivity is so important. Positive attitude and thinking goes a long way. Focussing on the blessings, breathing and being grateful  help.

I feel like thus adventure so far, has been a time of clinging to the truths I know, testing them, learning new things and confirming the old. It is a big challenge on your identity. You can become, essentially someone that you are not. Teaching is often about acting. In the most professional sense, you must become what the school requires. Too bad I’m so rebellious. 😉

New people, new experiences, new country, new curriculum, new, new, new. It’s exciting and I like the new! It can be quite exhausting and I crave the old. The places I know where I am comfortable. The people that know who I am, what I do and what I am like.

What I do.

Hold up.

Since when is it all about what you do? What we do shouldn’t be the only thing that defines us. In the Bible it talks about God looking at the heart and not just the outside (1 Samuel). Yes, these things are important, for it is how I spend my time. However, I am more than my job, and so are you! I went out with some teachers and learnt that behind the suits they were artists, surfers, movie buffs, singers & chefs. You cannot judge by what people currently do. You must allow for them, and who they really are come out. As I would say, “see them as God sees them”. Man, when you pray that prayer as you walk into your job, or trams or whatever your whole worldview changes. Do it. I dare you.

My goal is to BE me. To allow that to shine through, in everything. Teaching, talking, sharing, walking to the tram. The things that I have experienced, the love God has for me, the knowledge and joy I have to be contagious. I don’t want to have to fit in a box or to tell people “I’m joyful” or anything, I want people to see it. I want people to associate who I am with my name. Not just teacher. Not just the girl from Australia.

Who are you going to be?
Who do you want to be?
Let’s start being.

We can do it.

Comforting confirmation.

I am an actual teacher. 

What. 

I never actually thought I would write that! And not from the bus stop in London where I am wearing fingerless gloves so I can type. It’s actually quite chilly. My fingers may fall off. 

I apologise for the delay in writing another post, you see I spent 3 hours writing two blogs, brilliant ones, I might add, and then they deleted themselves. I could re-write them and beat myself up for not saving them properly, or I could just start now from where I am now. 

“Why am I here?” 

The million dollar (or pounds) question. Humans are often seeking, searching for acceptance, confirmation, the answers to the big questions, “who am I?” “Why am I here?” 

Little old me has been asking those questions when the days have been tough and challenging. For privacy reasons I can’t write some of my stories. But often I find my self asking “Is this real life?”. 

Things have not been necessarily easy, but there has been some massive blessings, so it’s been absolutely amazing. In the busy-ness of living in a city, riding trams like sardines in a can, walking to and from school in the dark, long working days, or whatever your days might be filled with, it is important to firstly remember those blessings, but also take a breath and experience what’s going on around me. 

( Pause for a moment: the fiber glass screen on the bus in front of me just fell down across me and hit a lady. What even. )

So, let me explain some of the marvellous things that have happened in this crazy decision to move to the other side of the world to pursue a dream I didn’t even realise I really had. 

If you have never moved out of home, never left your City or even travelled , you may not be aware of things you have to do to live as you normally do. I mean, I moved around a lot as a kid, 8 schools in two countries has become a part of who I am today. I have travelled with friends to different countries and I am aware of different cultures and what not. But when you actually have to live there it’s so weird. I didn’t know what bank to bank with, what phone company, where should I shop? Where is safe? Where isn’t it? What do those words even mean? (I have been doing a word of the day with my year ten students : Pants = underwear NOT TROUSERS, thongs = underwear NOT SHOES, packet of chips = packet of crisps, bear = an animal, but it also means a lot, scrape = some one who intrudes and interrupts your conversation … The slang goes on. I barely know what’s going on innit. ). I understood that schools are generally different no matter where you go, but Did I mention the curriculum is different, the examinations and expectations of students, although there are many similarities, it’s not the familiar. How do I find rent? Which companies can I trust ? Who will I share with? Where should I rent (keeping in mind probably I was either in Australia, or minimum of 3 hours away from my school)? How does one dress for the cold climate ? Can I drive? Is it worth it? The questions go on. 

Firstly, the overwhelming feeling and confusion you are feeling from the way I have typed this , I just some of what I have been feeling. But God, being the faithful and surprising kind of Guy that He is and always has been for me, despite being disorganised and overwhelmed, has brought a number of people into my world of late. 

My English friend who has been living in Australia (Lois) has been helpful giving me contacts of companies and people to ask the right questions. 

I became sick of looking of houses, it was so hard to organise being so far away, temporary accommodation was so expensive! I didn’t even have a back up plan. 

“Ask me” 

Oh man. I’m over this, why did I even come here? Why did I choose this? Surely there’s something. 

“Ask me”

Wait a second. Oh my.

GOD! Why am I here?? Everything is so hard!! Ok, if you want me to me here , let it be. I don’t know why I have come here really. I don’t know my purpose. You have gotten me this far, I know you’re here. I can’t feel you. I can’t see you. But come on now, why am I here?? Should I be here ?! I’m not prepared. I’m so young and dumb. I don’t have a house! I give this whole mess , this cloud to you Im sick of it. I’m sick of thinking and worrying, you say we can come boldly into your throne room, you say in your Word “do not be anxious for anything but instead pray, and your peace, which transcends ALL UNDERSTANDING will be there… Or something. (Philippians 4:6). I surrender. I’m sorry that I keep doing things in my own strength. I mean I am pretty strong 😝, and talented God, you made me, you know, but ah!! I’m lost. I’m stuck, I’m desperate. If you want me to be here let it be.

Like any good, productive person I went on Facebook. I scrolled down and saw my old English friend from year seven. Hadn’t seen her in like ten years. I met her when I attended her school for like two terms. 

“Hi! Long time no see! this might seem random, but do you know any one who lives in London, or around the Croydon area with a spare couch , room, patch of carpet?”

She replied;

“Yeah, I live in Croydon & will have a spare room in January” 

No. 

Two miles away from my school. Close to transport. With people that are lovely (2 dancers and 2 actors) and that can help me get to know how to live in London. A few days later she and I drove from Gloucester to where I have been staying over the last little while. It’s been awesome! it is so much better knowing someone in the same town! Such fun! It still weirds me out. But it’s such a blessing. 

My sister’s English boyfriend James helped me with my phone (and fixed my laptop, because he’s a genius) and told me about the phone companies. He even got me a SIM card. It’s the little things that count. 

Back home on Wednesday nights a few of my friends go to a cafe for $3 Sliders (Coffs Harbour Old Johns – check it out people!) for dinner. An awesome girl named Emily was apart of that crew and she told me how she was moving to England. When I made my decision to go I forgot she was going. Of course we had booked to leave the country on the same day. It’s been awesome having her (she’s definitely had more experience moving a living abroad than I have!) she’s been helpful, and encouraging! It’s just so nice to know that someone else is in the country going though the same thing. Who knows, we may even house share eventually! 

In my last week of being in Australia, as I have mentioned previously, I was volunteering as a Red Frogger at schoolies. I met an awesome Red Frogger who told me his amazing life story, (very encouraging!) and then told me his sister was actually about to move to the uk and would be in London on the same date as me. He put me in contact with her, and we skyped, messaged and met up in London the day before we both started work. We went to hillsong church together and shopped like we had been friends forever. WE FOUND A BOOST (juice / smoothie shop) and felt like we were in Australia. The great thing is, she’s awesome and we get to encourage each other so much in what we are doing. So when it’s been cold and hard work, I can expect a phone call or something from Caitie and we can be each others cheer leader. She’s working on a gap year program in a boarding school for 11 months. And you can follow her blog here: 

https://fancydaisies.wordpress.com

So I think I’m meant to be here. It’s going to be a challenge. I’m going to learn a lot. But, here I am! LETS GO.

This Season’s Soundtrack

This Winter’s soundtrack so far (I deleted Christmas tunes today).. I have just discovered some new playlists to follow as well! I’l post them as we go too.

Feel free to link me with your favourite tune!

http://open.spotify.com/user/1245792715/playlist/7xALto7bDwPb9gxfK6ptUM

LONDON #latergram

Stepping Out of the Boat

Ok, to keep you up to speed. The metaphor I’m using is in regards to a bible story. When Jesus asks Peter in Matthew 14:22 ish and he has to step out in faith & trust that God is going to help him do the impossible. He does. No biggie. He walks on the water, just as Jesus had before him.

Of late, I have made a few life changes. I was going to start writing a blog post about stepping out of the boat a few weeks ago as I embarked on a journey to England (via New York, because why not? Like Time Square. Am I right?) to start a new job as a secondary teacher in London. (We will get to that part of the story too). I even took the photo to go with it in Coney Island (which is very quiet , unless you’re exercising, fishing and getting your lines caught up with your neighbour, or listening to loud rap music whilst basking in their country’s flag. Yes, these are things I saw). But then I realised; I didn’t step out of the boat to trust God then.

I stepped out of the boat when I started my four year university degree and internship at church. I was sowing seeds for a dream my heart knew more than my head. When I completing my last practicum and finished Uni in September 2014, I felt like the rug had been pulled from underneath my feet. So how did I get to where I am now? Where have I been and where am I going? Here’s why I’m blogging. Since being on this journey, I have found I’m not alone and others seem to like following my adventure, some to live vicariously through me, others because they want to know where to go next too. So maybe my process and story will entertain, challenge, inspire or even show you what not to do!

these aren’t even the best photos.. I’ll post more soon once i get the hang of this site!

Stepping Across the Water

When you travel over seas, you have to fill out a card that states your occupation. I would always quickly write ‘student’. In the last couple of months filling out my occupation has brought me great stress!

WHO AM I ? I have always been a student!

So, the typically human question had come to finally haunt me. I thought i knew who i was, God was continuously showing me. All of a sudden, what i DID changed and this played on who i was….It’s like he wants to show me a little bit more.

University was an amazing four years, four houses, heaps of essays, stress, hair and weight loss, millions of readings, referencing, red frog events (google it & make sure it’s the Aussie version), music festivals, youth group events, late nights, coffee dates, messy rooms, strange meals, heaps of photos (just see my Instagram) , loads of time spent on social media, an amazing amount of downloads on music (stalk me on spotify or soundcloud if you dare) and tv series (How I met your mother, The Office (USA), New Girl, Mindy Project, Modern Family, 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and now: Miranda ). I wouldn’t have made it without the incredible support from friends and family, and let me tell you, some times I wasn’t the best of company or a good friend during this time! (I know – hard to believe :P). So thank you all for the kind words, hugs, the car, the house, the meals, shopping trips, road and plane trips, beach bonfires and campouts, finance, prayers and so, so much more.

This year when I finished Uni I felt like something was taken from me.

My identity.

The thing that had been filling my time, giving me purpose was gone.

I felt excited and free, and yet burdened. What was next? What would my life look now?
Aside from university I also worked at my church , youth lead and co-ordinated a chaplaincy support network called Red Frogs. Something I have been passionate alongside my career as a university student.I was always busy, with people, doing things, being places and having a blast!
However, I found my self towards the end of my degree being filled with anxiety, stress, fear, confusion and apathy. I have been through some challenges in my life, but this was weird. There was a few other things definitely impacting my life as well, but when I tested my emotions by imagining each of the situations, the whole idea of my new identity as a finished Uni student made me cry. (And for those who know me well, I can picture you rolling your eyes because I cry a lot, but I’m talking crying to the point where I couldn’t be bothered to cry anymore).

So what did I do? Firstly, I downloaded the sims and started playing that on my iPad. I had free time, and I’m an adult. Obviously this was the wisest choice. Duh.

One day an amazing person sponsored me some accommodation and entry to a conference. I took music, The Sims, Bible and spent some quality time jumping on the bed and making YouTubes.

and then my version:

and yep, that’s me normally.

After this I joined some of my friends on a camping trip right by the beach. Because of this, I am now a camping person.

Then, the next day I worked for a week at a dancing and drama work shop. It was themed “cats” and it was awesome! Hung out with kids every day!

The day immediately after that I casually drove across Australia from the East Coast to Perth, on the West Coast.

4150 km. 45 hours. 5 days.

Best and longest solo road trip I have ever done. I would do it again.

And so the hashtag #edeniseverywhere began.

People started following my journey, I had many likes on posts, phone calls, messages from people I hadn’t seen in years wanting to know about the trip! It was encouraging. For those of you who are now reading my blog, thank you.

In the middle of nowhere, I had plenty of thinking, praying, singing and dancing time in the car. But still not 100% peaceful. One friend I met up with In Perth challenged me “Who are you trying to please. God or people?”. Boom. This definitely has shaped the last couple of months.

After seeing a few of my friends, Justin Timberlake concert, a cafe crawl and a sun set over the ocean in Perth, I flew back home.

48 hours later with a final Red Frog event in there too, I boarded a plane to Fiji to meet up with my Dad and Step Mum. A challenging and surprising fortnight of snorkelling, sleeping in huts, foreign languages, village life, randomly being asked to teach in a school, a few nights in a resort, new friends and a whole lot more. It brought me new experiences, adventures, friends, stories, a slight tan and a passion for the outdoors. It didn’t bring me the peace and confirmation of what was next like I wanted it to.

Through this time, I kept holding on to the eternal joy I had and the promise that God is always with me. Even though He felt far away. Maybe I had pushed him away. Maybe what I was expecting wasn’t how God wanted to show me. Maybe, just maybe I hadn’t been finding my WHOLE identity in Him, but in what I do. Do. Doing. Did.

But wait, there’s more.
After this, I spent a few days back home and then went on to house sit for some friends with a girlfriend. I also had some English friends, who I met in Fiji, come and stay with us. We got to show them around and be tourists in our own town. It kept me busy. I got to ask the English friends heaps of questions about life in England. I even began entertaining the idea of moving there. During this time I also had conversations with friends and mentors. A few significant one liners are as followed;
“Eden, everytime I spoke to you during your placement you would speak of your classes, your lesson plan ideas and the school. You’re passionate about teaching! And people! ”
“Go!”
“You could work casual teaching, continue with red frogs, or even just change it up”
“You haven’t really lived a normal life yet. Like out there in the world, as a proper adult”
“Go, get some routine, responsibility and then return.”
“You could, you know, actually do something with the degree you did. Like teach or something…”
“You could go to Newcastle, Gold Coast, Sydney , or even the uk!”
Just to list a few.

My choices seemed to be endless. I studied English and History. My history experience  meant that i know that women in the past fought for the very freedom I was overwhelmed by. I just wanted it to be one way or another. (And now you can sing the song, the original or 1D remix I don’t mind). There was just too much freedom! I could stay in my town, move town, teach, study, get a new job, keep doing Red Frogs, get my own place, or anything. But they all seemed boring, nothing excited me. This scared me.

side note: if something bores you it DOES NOT mean quit. We all have our bad, sad, lame, hard days. Sometimes the best rewards are recieved from pushing on from the boring days. I am talking about a different kind of boredom. Almost like a burn out type of feeling. I also don’t suggest that one simply acts out on every emotion that one feels. in fact this is why i spoke to people who had been through similar things before, read articles, sought prayer – even when it took me ages to actually get out of the bed to do these things. Each of the people would tell me the same thing, i finally listened after months. I am sorry about that. Some times the overwhelming cloud was just bigger than your words.

I am passionate about people, loving, pastoring, encouraging and Red Frogs and Youth Ministry. I knew from the beginning of 2014 that it was my last year of Youth. But I didn’t know about Red Frogs. It was my little baby. My ministry. My identity… Maybe that was the problem.

All the adventures meant my resume, and many other forms weren’t really getting filled out.
Decisions weren’t being made.
Me time, thinking time , even though it felt like there was so much of it, was not productive. This made it worse.
They say the best cure for feeling overwhelmed and procrastinating is just to start small. I couldn’t even do that. I was starting to frustrate my close friends. But I couldn’t get past the cloud and murkiness. I didn’t even want to do the things i loved like go on little coffee dates on some days or photo taking dates. I couldn’t choose songs. Everything was boring. So, I just stayed in bed, or distracted my self even more. People said they noticed a spark had gone from my eye. But, for others, they might read this and be surprised. I didn’t mask it if you asked, and these feelings weren’t always there, like I mentioned, I still had faith and joy. I knew God was going to show up and I know He never left me.

Finally one day whilst i was house sitting, I remembered being on my final teaching placement and another teacher in the staff room said something about England needing teachers. England. I like that place. Usually for Christmas I go to England to stay with my Mum, her Partner and four of my 6 siblings. I hadn’t even booked it at this stage (mid November). i just couldn’t be bothered. That also worried me. So i did what every proactive human does and checked Facebook. My teaching friend had actually invited me to like “Impact Teaching. I checked it out as a possibility, because who knows! This is how i love living. It’s risky, and its fun, but sometimes you just have to apply for that job, ask those questions, email that person for advice, text that boy first, because WHO KNOWS. (I mean sure, weigh up consequences and stuff too…)

My original thought was that i could possibly I could get some temp work whilst i visited my family over their winter.
I signed up.
They called me the next day. It just took off from there! I felt a bit more excited! I even had to complete my resume. FINALLY, it took me ages to do this, but I did it. I submitted it. I looked into flights. Prices were pricey. Even worse than 2013!

In conversations with my Pastors about how I was feeling they showed me nothing but love and support. I love them. (if you don’t have some good ones, or a connect leader, or mentor type thing, get one). They wanted to support me in whatever I chose, but advised that i was to keep honoring God and do something I would love. Still not even sure about what was around the corner, I resigned from Red Frogs and my position at church. I was scared to do , not because I thought I was bound for 100 years to it, or it made me a better Christian or that God would judge me, or something like that. But because I feared that I was letting go of something that had also been a large part of MY identity. It consumed my thoughts, my time , finances and life. I loved it! But why didn’t I love it anymore? Why didn’t I want to get out of bed? Where was my spark?

But wait, there’s more Because: #edenISeverywhere haha.
When I drove from the church after resigning I felt surprisingly free and peaceful. But, why? I just quit something?! Maybe it was just meant to be. Life’s way of pushing me in the right direction.

I went straight back to the house that I was looking after and decided I should book my ticket over to England. Guess what! It was only a few more hundred to go via New York for a week. I booked a return ticket back to Australia too.

Before i left, I read some of my old diaries. Places to visit included New York. I have always wanted to see Time Square and take photos there! In my 5-10 year plan it was to live and work in London. I wrote these diary entries in 2009. Ah, and I had stepped out of the boat back in 2011 to help sow seeds for these dreams. I didn’t know back then that this would be how it would happen!

Slowly, I started to share with a few people some possible ideas I had about my future. (I’ll save this process and goodbyes for another blog. ) I had a “Tea You Later” farewell tea party, because even though I had a return ticket, something told me, I could be leaving for a long time. Five of my friends began packing my bags and cleaning up my room. It was so hard to pack because i didn’t know how long i was going for!

A few days later i was back home in my own bed for a short time. A Tuesday soon after this (third week of November) I had a Skype interview for a full time position in England. I did it after a dinner date with some of my best friends. Used one friend’s internet and another’s lounge room. It was beautiful. I was a little nervous, but more excited. I felt unqualified , but strangely prepared and confident.
The next evening whilst I was at karaoke with some of my other great friends, I got the job. My start date was on the 6th of January 2015. What the. Who. How. Why. Where. Cool.

We all sang “ain’t no mountain high enough”. It was surreal. An unforgettable moment.

The next day I was on my way to Brisbane to share the news to some of my close school friends and bid them farewell on their own journeys, and see a Katy Perry concert, go to dreamworld (a theme park) before volunteering for a week at the Gold Coast doing Red Frogs. My full final week in the country, doing the very thing I loved. It was beautifully poetic. It was challenging. It always is, but this time, in different ways. (I’ll save that story for later).
I got home Saturday, 8pm, my best friend helped me repack until 1am. Do you know how hard it is to pack under pressure, and say goodbye to your loved clothing?! (Blog post to come…). I had a temperature and a bad mood. But under my stress I was still excited! She picked me up at 5:30 (she had to tap on my window to wake me up!!) and some how I made it to the airport where I was waved and hugged quickly good bye.
It was a fast process. Tears, hugs, confusions and peace.
24 hours later I was in New York’s freezing evening air ready for another solo back packing adventure. So many stories, photos, new friends and photos! I will have to share soon! but for now instagram search the hashtag edeniseverwhere!

Any one else feeling dizzy or a bit all over the place? Welcome to my life. I am my own worst enemy and best friend at times.

The day I started uni and my internship I stepped out of the boat and into more grace, faith and trust.  That choice sowed seeds and made way for possibilities for the next step across the water. I mean, technically every time we get out of bed it’s like stepping out of a boat of comfort, warmth, and into the promises and yet uncertainty of the day.

And so i will just keep stepping out across the water.
So now I have told you the back story the next few blogs will tell  more of the processes, lessons learnt, thoughts, expectations and what’s been happening in England leading up to this new year and my job that starts next week! Ahhh!